and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
