The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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