I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
