i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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