You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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