How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
