i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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