Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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