using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
