Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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