There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
