Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
