return my video game
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
