I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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