Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
