The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
