She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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