so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Still dying that you shit outside
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
