put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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