Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
