In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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