Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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