weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
