do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
