then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can I color on your dick again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
