I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
