I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he thought i was a dude.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
