she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
