walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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