The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
