Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
