Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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