White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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