i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
