nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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