R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
