Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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