if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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