he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
