Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
