How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
