You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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