Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think my tv is drunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
