you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
