i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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