True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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