WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
