She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
