Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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