You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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