this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was confusing and full of hummus
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
