I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
