Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A bitchslap is in order.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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