he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
