did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
